Collaborative Divorce

What is Collaborative Divorce?

A collaborative divorce is a relatively new option for couples that have made the painful decision to divorce. It is gaining in popularity in North Carolina and around the world. In very simple terms, the collaborative divorce process means that divorcing spouses and their attorneys each agree that the attorneys are disqualified from representing the spouses in court. As described more fully below, this disqualification removes the process from the adversarial court system, while at the same time allows the spouses to benefit from the experience of a trained collaborative family law attorney. It opens the door to a healthier, more transformative way to get through the divorce process.

What is the "Traditional" Process for Divorce?

Until fairly recently, couples who needed help to effectively negotiate the issues around separation and divorce had only one option, which is referred to as the traditional divorce process. The spouses had to hire divorce lawyers to handle the negotiations for them. Divorce lawyers, operating within the adversarial system of the courts, typically negotiate competitively. They become the communication channel between the couple and tend to restrict direct communication between the spouses. Divorce lawyers routinely use the threat of litigation to try to coerce settlements. Often a court action is filed before there is a settlement. All of this makes worse the already unraveling relationship of the spouses, even as a negotiated agreement is reached.

How does the Collaborative Process Differ from the Traditional Process?

The collaborative process provides a healthier option. Unlike traditional divorce lawyers, the collaborative attorneys who are members of Separating Together, are specially trained and experienced in the processes of collaborative divorce, non-adversarial conflict resolution, interest-based negotiation, and in facilitating difficult conversations.

In addition, collaborative attorneys and their clients agree to fully and voluntarily disclose information, they agree that parenting decisions will be based on the best interests of the children, and they meet to negotiate the issues surrounding the divorce in “four-way conferences” - conferences that include the two spouses and their attorneys. The collaborative attorneys are there to help the couple have The Three Conversations and to help them negotiate effectively in a noncompetitive, interest-based framework. The collaborative attorneys do not negotiate for their respective clients.

The collaborative divorce process allows the spouses to reach agreements and avoid contentious court trials. It also promotes a healthy transition from the negative intimacy that has caused the deterioration of the marriage to a positive working relationship allowing them communicate effectively.