Planning for Separation and Divorce

The 3 Conversations: Co-parenting, Dividing Property, Cash Flow

It’s helpful to think in terms of the three conversations you and your spouse must have. These conversations can be very difficult, and it may be daunting to imagine having these conversations with your spouse. Fortunately, there are other options which we have listed in the next section: Options for Having the Three Conversations.

In a traditional adversarial divorce process, these three conversations include all of the issues that divorce lawyers typically put in legal pleadings such as Child Custody, Equitable Distribution, Child Support and Alimony.

Co-Parenting

First, if you are a parent, you must have a conversation to decide how to co-parent the children and provide two homes.

Dividing Property

Second, if you have accumulated property and debts during the marriage, you must have a conversation about how the property will be divided.

Cash Flow

Third, if you are not each financially self-sufficient, you must have a conversation about cash flow; how the income streams that have been supporting one household will be divided to support two households.

Options for Having the Three Conversations

How you go about having the three conversations is vitally important. It may be best for each spouse to write down their thoughts individually before coming together to discuss these topics. The time to have these conversations may also be the time to choose the right divorce process for your family. Learn more about traditional and alternative divorce alternatives.

Low-Conflict Separations and Divorces

In low-conflict Separation and Divorce situations, spouses may be able to effectively talk about these matters without significant help. For example, “over a cup of coffee,” or with a mediator.

Medium and High-Conflict Separations and Divorces

For many others, the hurt, the interpersonal dynamics, disagreements, or complexity of the issues to be decided makes it too difficult or uncomfortable to have these conversations without help. We refer to these situations as medium or high conflict separation or divorce, it may be more effective and safer to conduct these conversations together with each spouse's Collaborative Attorney, a Co-Parenting Advisor, a Divorce Coach, or a Marriage Counselor.